Opaque enough for you?
I've decided that on January 2nd I will move out of the house that I am living in with 3 of my guy friends and my boyfriend. I will quit my job at the sandwich shop, pack my things and head 2 hours up north to take up a nannying job for my godson. I will prolly end up with a crummy part time job for extra spending cash as well, but the point is to give me some space. I moved in with Josh far too early in our relationship due to necessity and I think it negatively impacted our relationship in several ways.
1. It rushed things that should have taken time.
2. It fostered too much dependence/attachment.
3. It killed our sex life.
4. It led to people taking each other for granted.
I love Josh, and most of the time I believe he loves me too, but he has his own nonsense to sort out, without worrying about mine all the time. I think living apart is best for both of us right now, I just hope I made the right decision. :S
- Mood:
nervous
burned into my flesh
an ever-present reminder
of what had been given
what had been taken
how much had been lost in the game.
You turned up the rhythm
and swept me away
trapped my vision in silk scarves
of secrets and deceit
until I felt nothing but your sweet caress
and tasted nothing but your fingerprints.
You set me adrift
spinning wildly on waves of ecstasy
a crescendo conducted from your delicate hand
guided by your lies
and I suspended my disbelief for one night
just to hold you.
You lost me in your dithering
one apropos suggestion exchanged for the next
almost like I was a bargaining chip
tossed away when the gain was greatest
but I held inside of me one last secret
something special stolen from you.
You placed a value on my sincerity
but it was a mere pittance next to the cruelty you dished out
dashing down lonely hallways
before cornering me for one last exchange
one last dream of something better
wrapped in violence and pain.
- Mood:
discontent
- Mood:
pleased
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
5ynny50rr0w I am now trying to think of who I wanna cosplay at AN '10. :PI did find a neat site for those of us not so gifted in the constructing our own costumes www.cosplaymagic.com/ has a broad selection, reasonable prices, and offers the larger sizes for us bigger girls. :) I may get something off there.
I know Josh is thinking about a Deathnote/One Piece costume, but we shall see.
- Mood: good
Yesterday
1. Load of laundry washed, dried, and put away.
2. Downstairs bathroom cleaned, completely.
3. Brain Age daily training. (Yes I count this.)
4. Read a chapter of my french novel.
5. Wrote a prose poem.
6. Napped.
Today
1. Worked for 4 hours.
2. Napped.
3. One load of laundry, currenly in the dryer.
4. Wrote a naughty story. ;)
5. Ate the rest of Josh's strawberry frozen yoghurt.
6. Brain Age daily training.
... Okay, yesterday was more productive... so why am I tired today?
- Mood:
productive - Music:Dir En Grey - Child Prey
-
-
- Save up some fallback cash
- Get my G1
- Renew my health card
- See a dentist
- See a doctor
- Apply for school/OSAP
- Get my passport
I love how accomplishing some goals just means you've discovered new ones that you now have to tack on the list. *sigh*
But it was a productive day with Bob, I even got a library card and started an RRSP, so yay!
For those of you who have a curiosity about such things, I am now banking with PC Financial, yay no fees!
- Mood: accomplished
- Music:Dream Theater - Wither
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented.. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only....Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
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The average number of people airborne over the U.S.. in any given hour:
61,000
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q.. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
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Q.. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight, sleep tight'
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
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I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2.. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
- Mood:
indescribable - Music:Nightwish - Sleeping Sun
- Mood: blah
Work is turning out pretty good, making sandwiches and unloading trucks isn't really that complicated though, so I'm not entirely surprised. Had lunch with Patrick again yesterday, mmm sushi. He's been lending me the Sookie Stackhouse novels, because I love True Blood so much. Now, I know a lot of people like the books, even prefer them to the TV show, but I have to say... I don't get it. The writing is, simple, the story line is even more convoluted than the show, she tries to write in so many characters that she loses track of them... and quite frankly I think she takes the concept way too far "out there". That's just my assessment though. Honestly, if I was her, I would have taken the sex parts out and published the books as children's novels, they seem to suit that more.
Other than that, went to the Ajax munch last night and met some new people, and chatted with a few I met last time. Josh managed to come out after work this time, and got to meet Sir ChrisTopHer, they really seemed to get along well, which pleased me. He gave us a good run down of which kinky community events in the area are worth going to, and had an excellent mini - vacation suggestion for us, which I think I will definitely have to schedule. ^^
- Location:Canada, Whitby
- Mood:
energetic - Music:Voltaire - When You're Evil
Priorities Right Now
- Replace my SIN card
- Get a bank account
- Save up some fallback cash
- Get my G1
- Renew my health card
- See a dentist
- See a doctor
- Apply for school/OSAP
.... Yay?
- Location:Ajax
- Mood: motivated
- Music:Voltaire - The Sexy Data Tango
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm GAY/BI, so I MUST have AIDS.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I watch PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I don’t CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I can be many things, some go together, some conflict, but most importantly I am me. Stop labelling me people, GTFO,
- Mood: discontent
- Music:The Original Pokemon Theme Song
This is what makes and doesn't make a man attractive to a woman (and relationship do’s and don’ts):
1) Intelligence and open-mindedness is admired, but NOT a smart-ass attitude (unless it's laced with self-mockery) or a man who brags about how intelligent they are (really big turnoff)...aka NOT a sky rocketting ego. A person with too much pride is pretty much repulsive. - "the best knowledge is to know that you don't know everything" With that in mind, false modesty also not so fun. Try to keep it real guys, we don't need to know your IQ, but its belittling to have someone claim to be dumb when they're not. Girls have mastered that game, we can tell when it's being played.
2) RESPECT for a woman, is extremely admirable. If you wholeheartedly respect a woman (not fake respect) both physically and emotionally, you will be loved, no doubt. (that is, unless the woman is a total bitch, you will be loved). A little chivalry goes a long way. We don't need you paying for everything or laying your jacket down over puddles, but holding a door every now and then will prolly win you a smile at least.
3) Thoughtfulness. I cannot emphasise this enough. A man who actually considers a woman's feelings, before they speak or act is ace. A man who actually thinks about her and how to impress her, is just drool-worthy. A man who then acts on these thoughts... is prolly taken, or at least that's what a girl's gonna assume. Don't be so sickly sweet that you're too good to be true, but show a little consideration and you will get it returned.
4) Honesty. Loyalty. – (Note: There is a difference between being honest and mean. Sometimes brutal honesty is just unnecessary.) Being honest and loyal is very much attractive. It makes you all the more worthy of her attention, not that you’re already not. Lies are NOT cool. Unless she's wearing a hideous pair of pants that make her ass look fat. Never tell her she looks fat. Just smile and tell her she looks beautiful in anything, it's a cop-out, but it's just safer.
5) Appearance-wise: Us women don’t necessarily give a flying fuck about a man having gigantic muscles, one who is so toned, and works out maniacally. Based on my experience, men with big muscles, also have a big ego, which I’m sure is not always the case. Appearance really doesn’t matter if personality traits are horrible. I’ve noticed how unattractive a person can become when their true personality comes out, that is if the personality is horrid. (Once a guy tried to woo me by flexing his muscles and showing off- and I just simply said “fuck off, you’re not as gorgeous as you think” ) Overall, as cliché as it is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We’re all attracted to different kinds of people. What is attractive is a man who takes care of himself, is clean, put together, that kind a thing. Spend that extra five minutes to brush your teeth in the evening, it's a huge turn-on.
6) Passion: A man who is passionate about something e.g. photography, art, his career, anything. Someone who is passionate about something is very attractive, although not to the point where he puts his passion ahead of the woman. You have to balance it all out, but a man with no passion for life, has little passion elsewhere. We hear over and over again that boring people make boring lovers, so have a thing, even if it's just to impress us girls.
7) Romance!!! No, this doesn’t mean you have to shower her with expensive gifts! Gifts from the heart are the sweetest things a man can do for a woman, like poetry…just make her something from scratch….it doesn’t have to be brilliant, but something that shows her you’re a sweetheart, like cooking her a romantic meal (that’s if you know how to cook). Paying her compliments will make her day and make her adore you. Don't go over the top, nothing overblown and dramatic, but small, specific compliments win the day. "You look so sweet when you smile like that." "The way you bite your lip while you're thinking is adorable." Stuff that shows that you really notice her, trust me.
8) Knowing how to use your anger wisely. We all act irrationally when we are angry, but seriously, do NOT call her repulsive names, or lay a finger on her. NOT COOL! And yes, we all need to express our anger, but do it wisely. Try not to do something you will regret. Women are like little powder kegs, you start to lose your cool, she'll most likely lose hers, then there will be trouble. Have a method set up for arguments, take a break before you get into things, count to ten, whatever. Just, hold on to that hostility.
9) Being overly flirtacious with everyone you come into contact with is so not admired. It makes her feel unworthy of your attention, or make her feel like she’s insufficient for you. Also, she will be eternally paranoid that the flirtacious behaviour will result to more. This does not mean you can't flirt, just make sure that you pay attention to her as well. Quite frankly you can normally get away with as much flirting as you want - as long as all you want is flirting - as long as your girl is the centre of your attention. Also, warning her that you are a bit of a flirt but you don't mean anything by it is also nice.
I know the list is pretty obvious, but you would not believe how many guys I know that haven't even figured out this much. I like y'all, so I'm throwing you a bone here. Please take it into consideration.
- Mood:
restless - Music:Futuristic Sex Robots - Positronic Pimp
Just another 20lbs to go to my ideal weight.
- Mood: pleased
- Mood:
apathetic - Music:Stupid Boy - Keith Urban
But I did have fun...
- Mood: depressed
Starting to job search seriously in Ajax... Mike says that they hire at Best Buy around the summer time, so that's always an option. Hopefully I get everything straightened out soon so I can find my own place instead of invading Josh's space all the time.
Also... I don't want to still be living here when the raccoons finally break through into the main floor bathroom and attempt to give everyone rabies. *shudder* I am so actually terrified of raccoons that its ridiculous.
- Mood:
cynical
- Mood: useless
I will always remember the first summer we spent together. It tasted like lopsided crayon pictures on thick construction paper and grass stained knees. Everything was fresh and new, and I clung desperately to the chains holding my swing up as you gave me one last under doggy. No one had ever pushed me so high before, and I was terrified of the back swing, worried that I'd just go careening over the top and land on my face. There's nothing that screams betrayal quite like sand and grit between your teeth, but you made sure that such things stayed between my toes where they belonged as we splashed through the kiddy pools.
As the autumn leaves fell you were still holding my hand, as constant a presence as my ugly knit mittens. You made fun of the brown and orange wool, but understood that knobbly as they were they were a part of me, just like the mole on my side that you kept telling me was cute. We stomped down memory lane together, laughing at the crinkling noises our hiking boots made as the wind painted our cheeks red. We raced downhill, and I tripped over my insecurities and tumbled the rest of the way into depression. No one was more surprised than I was when you were there to catch me at the bottom.
We got snowed in at Christmas, but you were always prepared. Fresh cut firewood warmed us and fuzzy slippers with cute animal faces adorned our feet. I would have felt ridiculous, but you took the pink bunnies and let me wear the grizzly bears. My laughter rung like sleigh bells as we read "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus" to my teddy bears and then tucked them into bed so we could stay up all night drinking cheap wine and feeding each other shortbread cookies. We opened brightly wrapped packages that took my breath away, because my last one was tiny and nestled in the pine branches of our Christmas tree. The tears in my eyes shone brighter than the LED lights we used, and I choked out my affirmation.
Thunderstorms shook up my spring time, drowning out the May flowers. I rolled over in search of your comfort in the middle of the night, and you weren't there. I guess you weren't a perennial, which I should have guessed from the vibrancy of your bloom. Something so unique always fades out as quickly as it blossoms. I headed back out to our park, climbed up inside the tube slide and cried in tempo with the storm. With one last gasp of lightning lighting up the little white gem, I buried the ring beneath the tree with our initials carved into it, while a voice castigated me eternally for wasting something so expensive on a dramatic gesture.
To me you were worth it, and though I don't weep at night anymore, the animation left my life the night you disappeared, and now I move like a robot, barely acknowledging the beauty of the world. I understand that the trees are just as green this summer, and the backyard just as warm, but I don't hear the whisper of laughter on the wind like I did last year. Joy has fled along with my four season affair, but you enriched my life while you were here.
As the autumn leaves fell you were still holding my hand, as constant a presence as my ugly knit mittens. You made fun of the brown and orange wool, but understood that knobbly as they were they were a part of me, just like the mole on my side that you kept telling me was cute. We stomped down memory lane together, laughing at the crinkling noises our hiking boots made as the wind painted our cheeks red. We raced downhill, and I tripped over my insecurities and tumbled the rest of the way into depression. No one was more surprised than I was when you were there to catch me at the bottom.
We got snowed in at Christmas, but you were always prepared. Fresh cut firewood warmed us and fuzzy slippers with cute animal faces adorned our feet. I would have felt ridiculous, but you took the pink bunnies and let me wear the grizzly bears. My laughter rung like sleigh bells as we read "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus" to my teddy bears and then tucked them into bed so we could stay up all night drinking cheap wine and feeding each other shortbread cookies. We opened brightly wrapped packages that took my breath away, because my last one was tiny and nestled in the pine branches of our Christmas tree. The tears in my eyes shone brighter than the LED lights we used, and I choked out my affirmation.
Thunderstorms shook up my spring time, drowning out the May flowers. I rolled over in search of your comfort in the middle of the night, and you weren't there. I guess you weren't a perennial, which I should have guessed from the vibrancy of your bloom. Something so unique always fades out as quickly as it blossoms. I headed back out to our park, climbed up inside the tube slide and cried in tempo with the storm. With one last gasp of lightning lighting up the little white gem, I buried the ring beneath the tree with our initials carved into it, while a voice castigated me eternally for wasting something so expensive on a dramatic gesture.
To me you were worth it, and though I don't weep at night anymore, the animation left my life the night you disappeared, and now I move like a robot, barely acknowledging the beauty of the world. I understand that the trees are just as green this summer, and the backyard just as warm, but I don't hear the whisper of laughter on the wind like I did last year. Joy has fled along with my four season affair, but you enriched my life while you were here.
- Mood:
wistful
- Mood: curious
